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On My Mind

Mrs. Aliza Feder's Newsletter

A gutten vinter! There is something so comforting about settling back into routine after a long Yom Tov season. I’m enjoying these days before the schedule gets stale and I find myself longing for another break. I’m working on a couple of new courses that I’m excited about, but for this week’s newsletter, I want to share a question I received recently. I get versions of it fairly often, and it touches on some really important topics, so it felt worth addressing. I’ve copied the question below with only minor edits to protect privacy:

Dear Mrs. Feder,

I've noticed something and it's really bothering me-

There is this idea I see a lot of people having about the mechanism of mitzvos and tefilla that seems off. I can't exactly put my finger on it but it's like they have combined new age theories such as the law of attraction and manifestation and have collapsed it into Judaism in a way that seems like a sort of frumkeit bypassing where problems in life will resolve if one just hits the right mechanisms in tefilla and mitzvot that will cause some sort of spiritual wave and bring them the right job; the right partner; the perfect child; a winning lottery ticket, without actually doing anything about being a better worker, partner and parent. I've heard and seen people engaging in spending the time in deep contemplation and meditation of the things they want to manifest or doing an extra mitzvah/ kabbalah to hijack the bracha pipes. Oh and my favorite: davening for someone else's success in order to get it first.

I am not an expert in the system of Divine kindness and reward but I can't help but feel like people are missing the point here. I have a friend who writes a description of the new job she wants to find every month and keeps this in her siddur so that she can use imagination and manifestation in her tefilla; yet I notice she happens to have certain personality patterns that show up during interviews that tend to be slightly self-sabotaging. The thing is she is dead certain that if she works hard in her manifestation of her dream career, God will send her an opportunity that will be aligned with this wish list. I say it's frumkeit bypassing because the problem is not being addressed while she is doing all this holy work. I wonder what would happen if she spent the same amount of time addressing the behaviors and mental block.

But it's also not her fault because she listens to every jewish podcast and has gone to many shiurim on tefillah that explain "let go and let God".

My understanding is that tefillah and mitzvos "work" because they transform the person into the kind of person that interviewers hire, people choose to marry, or someone whose inner perception is one who sees the brochos in his life and he  feels fortunate. Am I missing something about the spiritual realm of things?

Because the way I see it being talked about/ taught about doesn't seem like that was God's intention when He created the system.

I would love to hear your thoughts.

For those who know me, you know I definitely have thoughts. 🙂

This question isn’t new. Since I was a child, there has been debate about a renewed focus on segulos and kabbalos to channel specific blessings. Voices on both sides were passionate: some shared incredible stories of yeshuos, while others argued that Hashem wants sincere tefillah and avodah, and anything else was just a shortcut.

Recently, the rise of secular manifestation practices and techniques for abundance (14 easy steps to the life of your dreams!) has complicated the picture. On top of that, frum ‘influencers’, speakers, and, l’havdil, rabbanim and shiurim have layered these ideas into our mainstream discussions, creating a confusing mix. And this isn’t a trivial topic—it concerns some of the foundations of Yiddishkeit that impact all of us daily.

I have to admit, the risk of misunderstanding these issues has made me consider removing my Proactive Bitachon course from my website. I don’t want to join the ranks of speakers promising that “everything will be fine if you just do A, B, and C.” I am tempted to simply reassure you that your feelings are valid, your friend is misguided, and your gut feelings are absolutely right.

But.

I also need to be honest. Even though your friend is misguided (and she absolutely is), there is some truth in what she’s trying to do.

You used the term “spiritual bypassing,” which I also use frequently. Positive bitachon—or manifestation, or tracht gut vet zein gut, as the Lubavitcher Rebbe was known to say—is not meant to be a magical formula for getting everything we want. It is a deeply personal process that involves:

1. Clarifying what we want and why we want it (birur haratzon)

2. Fully accepting our current reality with emunah, often requiring serious middos work

3. Integrating a genuine, felt-sense of bitachon

You cannot achieve this by simply taping a wish list into your siddur or meditating over it. This is real work which needs to be undertaken with devotion and integrity. 

There is much more to say on this topic- much more- but to answer your question: these concepts are powerful. I have personally experienced remarkable outcomes of positive bitachon in my own life. I’ve also had times when, despite my best efforts, Hashem’s answer was “no.” And that’s okay—because I don’t see this as a form of magic to get what I want. Ultimately, what I want is whatever He wants for me.

That said, I truly believe that Hashem designed the world so that emunah functions as a creative force, a tool meant to help us align our lives as living expressions of kavod Shamayim. Failing to learn about this properly—from trusted sources rooted in mesorah—is, in my view, a kind of neglect of our spiritual responsibility. But just as problematic is taking new-age techniques and simply relabeling them as tefillah and emunah.

I hope this helps. For a way more comprehensive take you can check out my Positive Bitachon course here.

With much love,

Mrs. Aliza Feder