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On My Mind

Mrs. Aliza Feder's Newsletter

Have you ever noticed that the pull toward your nefesh ha’bihamis, the animalistic, instinctive side of you, seems to be so much stronger than the pull to follow your nefesh elokis? It seems to require an incredible amount of willpower and self control not to eat the thing, or watch the thing or say the thing. (So many things!). And even if you manage to control yourself, studies of human behavior show that a person only has a limited amount of self control which is why so often we can be kind and patient all day only to find ourselves yelling at the kids like a possessed witch come bedtime. 

So how do we deal with this? How is it even fair to expect us to fight constantly, consistently when the odds are so solidly stacked against us?!

Many mussar safarim draw a comparison from the guf/neshama relationship to a horse and its rider. The horse has the brute strength, but the rider needs to be the one making the decision as to where the pair is going, or he runs the very real risk of being led to wherever the grass is most delicious or the path attractive.

In the (incredible) sefer Yesharim Darchei Hashem, the mashal is developed further, giving more insight into specifically how to deal with the yetzer horah. 

In the wilds of Africa, you might come across a striking scene: a strong, powerful elephant appearing to be held captive by a young child, tethered to a small stake. Now this makes no sense, because with one flick of his tail (fine, that makes no sense whatsoever but just go with me here), the elephant can knock the kid down and just pull the stake right out of the ground. And yet he doesn’t. The child- the small, weak child- has him trained.

You see, the elephant is stronger, but the child is smarter.

It’s undeniably true that the nefesh habihamis is the stronger force. In a contest of desires and pulls and wills, our better selves are always going to be pathetically weak. (I am reminded of the student who asked me but when will I stop wanting to watch movies??  To which I answered, well if my own experiences are any indication, it’s gonna be a never). Lest that discourage you though, remember this: it may be stronger, but the nefesh elokis is, and always will be, way smarter. 

And that has huge ramifications for us. We need to stop trying to outwill the yetzer hara by ‘trying harder’ or by digging deeper into our motivation. Instead, we need to pull on the yetzer tov’s natural strengths: it’s smarts. The nefesh habihamis can be trained. It isn’t difficult to outsmart an animal, it just needs minimal thought and planning. 

Stay tuned for part two of this idea, where I will give some examples of effective animal training, or said differently: how to use your seichel to control your b’heima.

Also if you have a better way of spelling bihamis, or b’heima in english, I’m all ears.

All the best,

Mrs. Aliza Feder

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