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On My Mind

Mrs. Aliza Feder's Newsletter

There are so many moments when I realize that the ideas that shape me most are not new discoveries, but truths I’ve known for years—and somehow still forget. This week, I found myself returning to one of those foundational teachings, a Mishnah we all learned long ago. Rav Dessler’s insight into this Mishnah stopped me in my tracks, not because it was complex, but because it was so disarmingly simple. Sometimes, growth doesn’t come from learning something new; it comes from remembering what we already know.

The Michtav M’Eliyahu (chelek 5) quotes the Mishnah in Avos (3:1), which says:

עֲקַבְיָא בֶן מַהֲלַלְאֵל אוֹמֵר, הִסְתַּכֵּל בִּשְׁלשָׁה דְבָרִים וְאִי אַתָּה בָא לִידֵי עֲבֵרָה. דַּע מֵאַיִן בָּאתָ, וּלְאָן אַתָּה הוֹלֵךְ, וְלִפְנֵי מִי אַתָּה עָתִיד לִתֵּן דִּין וְחֶשְׁבּוֹן. מֵאַיִן בָּאתָ, מִטִּפָּה סְרוּחָה, וּלְאָן אַתָּה הוֹלֵךְ, לִמְקוֹם עָפָר רִמָּה וְתוֹלֵעָה. וְלִפְנֵי מִי אַתָּה עָתִיד לִתֵּן דִּין וְחֶשְׁבּוֹן, לִפְנֵי מֶלֶךְ מַלְכֵי הַמְּלָכִים הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא.

A loose translation is that a person should contemplate three things, and by doing so will not come to sin: where he came from, where he is going, and the fact that one day he will have to give a din v’cheshbon before the King of Kings.

Pretty basic stuff. But Rav Dessler points out an interesting chidush here—one that I have often suspected to be true. There are certain foundational truths that do not require complicated internal work or lofty intellectual ideals. Developing a basic hashkafah does not demand overthinking; rather, it requires that we stop drowning out self-evident truths with the white noise of this world.

The words in Michtav M’Eliyahu say that the knowledge is simple, but we erect mechitzos throughout our lives that make us forget them. 

Similarly, the Ramchal writes in the opening chapter of Mesillas Yesharim that our neshamos are in a constant state of a magnetic-like pull toward our Creator. The reason we do not feel it, he says, is because of the mechitzos habarzel—the iron partitions that accumulate between us and Hashem over our lifetime.

My favorite part, though, is going back to the Mishnah itself to see what the Tanna proposes as the solution. Does he tell us to engage in deep teshuvah for the aveiros that created these barriers? Does he demand a detailed cheshbon hanefesh to analyze why we sinned in the first place?

Nope.

He tells us simply to look and think about three things: that you originated from a small, putrefied drop; that your eventual fate is to decompose in the ground; and that you will ultimately be required to explain all your actions to Hashem.

That’s it. All you need to do is think about these truths.

How often? I don’t know—there doesn’t seem to be a precise prescription. Once a day sounds reasonable. Perhaps more often when you’re in a vulnerable moment and feel yourself slipping. Maybe less when things are going well. But no mental, spiritual, or emotional acrobatics are required. Just stop, think, and internalize the truth.

One of my favorite explanations of tefillah comes from Rav Hirsch in Chorev. He describes tefillah as the process of reminding our neshamah of truths it already knows—almost like a mantra or a set of affirmations. Life is busy, and some days are harder than others. If we want to prepare ourselves properly, we need to remind ourselves of these truths before the battles begin, when we still have the time, headspace, and heartspace to absorb them.

Here’s my suggestion: craft a sentence or two for yourself. It could be about something specific you are working on, or just something you know to be true, but if you actually, really, viscerally knew it would make your life a lot easier. When you have your sentence, say it out loud to yourself to see if it fits. Then, choose a designated specific time of day, or several times, to remind yourself of your truth. Sometimes all it takes is a little remembering on purpose.

Already have a sentence like this that you tend to tell yourself at times? I would love if you would hit reply and share it…we benefit so much when we pool our resources together, and your helpful reminder can become someone else’s anchor!

 May we all find the space to pause, remember, and walk forward with greater intention.

Stay warm!

Mrs. Aliza Feder

PS- This idea—that avodas Hashem is often about remembering rather than reinventing—is something I think about a lot, especially when it comes to tefillah. So much of prayer is not about creating new feelings, but about gently clearing away the noise so our neshamah can reconnect with truths it already holds. This is exactly what we explore in my tefillah course: how to use tefillah as a tool for clarity, grounding, and spiritual alignment in the middle of real, busy life. If this resonates with you and you’d like to go deeper, you can learn more here.