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On My Mind

Mrs. Aliza Feder's Newsletter

Something I’m noticing more and more as I get older: Optimism isn’t a character trait (although it is certainly true that certain people are more naturally aligned to that state of mind than others). Optimism- at least my way of understanding it- is nothing less than a superpower.

In my mind, optimism doesn’t necessarily mean a mindset that everything in the world is going to turn out peachy. (Can someone please explain the origin of that adjective to me)? Rather, it’s a way of navigating yourself through the world. It’s a surety that things are unfolding in the best possible way for you. To me, it’s a constant avoda of refocusing yourself on the abundance of shefa that you have, rather than on the very real parts of your life that are more challenging and difficult. 

It’s become trendy to talk about positive manifestation and the power of attracting the things you want more of into your life. I am completely fascinated by the topic as it pertains to bitachon (and you can find my series where I explain how this works in depth right here). Clearly, I am a believer. That said, for obvious reasons, the whole idea of using bitachon to manifest what you want into your life, while based on real sources, is a very dangerous path. I pull on this idea daily and have seen astonishing results, but I very much understand the people who would rather not take that direction. 

That said, the type of optimism that I am enamored with is a complete result of living with bitachon. It’s an assuredness that HKBH is doing an absolutely fantastic job of taking care of us on a moment by moment basis and specifically noticing and recognizing all the ways in which your life is sweet. It’s moving through your life in a consistent state of delight and appreciation for everything around you. Is this not a superpower?! 

When this is done in an authentic way, there is nothing overly saccharine or pollyanna about it. We have all been witness to the cringy fakeness of a forced smile that meets a terrible event with a high pitched ‘gam zu l’tovah’. This is obviously not what I’m referring to. We need to meet our emotions where they are at (first comes emes, then comes emunah- always). The ability to greet a difficult circumstance with an authentic gam zu l’tovah doesn’t happen in the moment, it happens as a result of a thousand daily choices to notice and recognize the good. It’s a determination and persistence to not fall into the sometimes easier path of kvetching and sweating the small stuff. 

Optimism's less known first cousin is enthusiasm. It’s interesting that despite the fact that we all love enthusiastic people (again, as long as it’s authentic), we so rarely personify the quality ourselves. I wonder if this is a throwback to our teen years when enthusiasm was seen as a really risky position. It’s way safer to play the ‘too cool for school’ card. 

And yet, it is a supremely effective and compelling way to live, not just because it makes you so beloved to others, but also because it is such an important  foundation for resilience and hakaras hatov. 

In certain ways, optimism is the embodiment of a life lived with an ayin tovah. I only see good in every situation and in the people I meet, and I only want, and even expect, good. And then, after the fact, I only focus on the good parts of the past.

Here’s the important part: Ayin tovah, ie optimism, is a choice. It’s a firm commitment to live with the knowledge that we know, but many of us don’t live. 

It’s a superpower that we can all cultivate. Up for grabs.

With love,

Mrs. Aliza Feder

PS- for a 35 page-and growing!- source booklet for the ideas I wrote about above, please reach out and I’ll be happy to share. If you are interested in the topic, I really do recommend my course that I mentioned above. Can I recommend my own course? Is that tacky? Oh well.

PPS- For a completely secular take on developing this skill, check out the book Hardwiring Happiness by Rick Hanson, PhD.