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On My Mind

Mrs. Aliza Feder's Newsletter

Anyone else not that looking forward to the next few weeks?

The quick lift of chanukah is so far behind us we can barely see it, and the days ahead stretch out before us like a quiet, wide-open field covered in dirty snow. No yamim tovim—just the ordinary, daily rhythm. When we were in school at least there was midwinter vacation which came with a change of scenery if we were lucky, but now, this long stretch of winter can feel…uninspiring. The fire of passion seems to flicker. The davening feels routine. The mitzvos we do—sometimes they feel like boxes we’re ticking, not expressions of our hearts. And you know how I feel about the mind-heart-action disconnect (read more here).

That said, I want to remind you of something profound: sometimes we can’t think our way to right action, but we can act our way to right thinking.

It’s a principle that resonates deeply in Jewish life and specifically can help reframe the way we feel heading into a stretch. One of the reasons mitzvos are so central is that true ideals are shaped by actions. You can say ‘be nice’, but that’s kind of a meaningless directive if not attached to the specifics of shmiras halashon and all of the other details and halachos of ahavas yisroel. It’s not just about passion or inspiration. Our actions—even when done by rote, even when our hearts aren’t fully “in it”—lay the groundwork for depth and connection that will grow over time.

Frum Jews in this generation are often criticized for “externalizing” mitzvos—doing the right things, dressing the right way, following the rules—but not feeling the full depth of the experience. I speak against this externalization often, because living solely in the “checklist” can leave our hearts cold.

But there’s another side. Doing the right things, even without full passion, is not meaningless. In fact, it is extremely important. Action shapes thought. Action cultivates character. Action awakens the soul in ways thinking alone never can.

Think of tefillah, for example. In my tefillah course, I am constantly repeating: the only bad davening is no davening. You may be tired, distracted, or uninspired. You may not “feel” the words. But showing up and doing what's right keeps the connection alive—and eventually, the heart will catch up. The movement of action can carry the mind and spirit forward.

This is the very real other side of the conversation we often have about “more passion in our Yiddishkeit.” Yes, passion is vital. Yes, we want our mitzvos to come from love and devotion. But in the quiet stretch between Chanukah and Purim, let’s honor the power of consistent (even imperfect, slightly disconnected) action. Doing the right thing is its own form of devotion, even if our emotions aren’t perfectly aligned yet.

So as we enter this long stretch of ordinary days, let’s embrace doing the right things even when our hearts aren’t fully “lit.” Let’s trust that action will teach us it's own lessons- and eventually spark the passion we seek.

Want to strengthen your connection to mitzvos? My teen course on mitzvos is designed to make the learning practical, meaningful, and inspiring—but the lessons apply to all ages. By exploring mitzvos in action, teens (and adults!) learn how consistent practice builds depth, character, and connection—even in times when inspiration is low. These are the things you should have learned in school, or did and completely forgot. Available here.

Have a great, even if uninspired, week:),

Mrs. Aliza Feder