Ahavas Yisroel, Take 2

Morning friends!

Weirdly, I did not receive a glut of emails from you telling me how you've tried my first step of Ahavas Yisroel (see: speak well of and to fellow jews here). I’m just going to assume that you were all too busy to write, but you’ve been speaking only good things all over the place.

In any case, let's continue our Project Loving Each Other, shall we?

The next step in how to cultivate and show our Ahavas Yisroel as suggested by the Rambam is to show each other kavod. Being respectful is a pretty clear directive, but I’ll give you some examples. Most of these will fall under the general umbrella of giving validation and appreciation, so we can use that as a general guideline:

-greeting people when they enter, and saying goodbye when they leave (think: someone joining a half-full table at a wedding, or someone heading out of work for the day).

-listening to people with a full face, not one buried in a phone or laptop

-giving someone a sincere, specific compliment

-plain old smiling at people

I’m sure we can think of other things. Also worth noting: children are full members of Klal Yisroel. Treating them with the same baseline respect we offer any person is included here!

Step three of the Rambam (speaking well of Jews, showing kavod and now this), is giving materially to them. Obviously here our brain goes to tzedakah, and while that certainly is a fulfillment of this mitzvah, more examples would be:

-offering them a drink or something to eat 

- giving them directions, help with a task, or information they need

- offering a place to sit

These things seem so simple to do- and often they are! We just need to do them.

Some more things that are on the list, found in other sources (attached at the bottom of the newsletter:)).

4. Dan l’kaf z’chus- giving people the benefit of the doubt. 

This does not require creative thinking bordering on the magical to explain away the hurtful things they have done. Rather, I always think in terms of understanding the mishneh: הוי דן את כל האדם לכף זכות. Each human being is an entire world. So that lady you see in the store being short with her kids? Yes, she was being impatient at the moment. But no doubt she is also a universe of so many good, beautiful traits you aren’t privy to. And the friend who is chronically late? It’s true. She is and that may be annoying. But she is also funny, and kind and unbelievably supportive to you. When we put people’s chisronos into the context of the rest of their being, suddenly they aren’t so glaringly one dimensional. They’re human. Kind of like we are. 

I am wary of giving the rest of the list here; I don’t know about you, but when I am given too many ideas- even good ones!- I just kind of get overloaded and do nothing. Instead, I’ll stop here and continue next time. In the meantime, there are a couple of weeks left to sefirah. Let’s do this! Speak good about Jews, give them kavod and practical help, and learn to see them for the complex, beautiful world they are as another חלק אלוק- ממעל. 

Also note that many of  these are things are behaviors we’re doing anyway most of the time, so just having in mind that this is the fulfillment of the mitzvah of Ahavas Yisroel is such an easy way to be more mindful of the mitzvah and get bonus points-- being mindful while I’m doing something I’m already doing is one of my favorite hacks!

Good luck with this- and let me know when you’ve consciously practiced some of the steps. I’d love to hear from you!

All the best,

Mrs. Aliza Feder

Sources:

Sefer Hachinuch, 243

מִצְוַת אַהֲבַת יִשְׂרָאֵל – לֶאֱהֹב כָּל אֶחָד מִיִּשְׂרָאֵל אַהֲבַת נֶפֶשׁ, כְּלוֹמַר שֶׁנַּחְמֹל עַל יִשְׂרָאֵל וְעַל מָמוֹנוֹ כְּמוֹ שֶׁאָדָם חוֹמֵל עַל עַצְמוֹ וּמָמוֹנוֹ, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (ויקרא יט יח) וְאָהַבְתָּ לְרֵעֲךָ כָּמוֹךָ. וְאָמְרוּ זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה (שבת לא א) דַּעֲלָךְ סְנִי לְחַבְרָךְ לָא תַּעֲבֵד. וְאָמְרוּ בַּסִּפְרָא (קדושים ד יב) אָמַר רַבִּי עֲקִיבָא זֶה כְּלָל גָּדוֹל בַּתּוֹרָה, כְּלוֹמַר, שֶׁהַרְבֵּה מִצְוֹת שֶׁבַּתּוֹרָה תְּלוּיוֹת בְּכָךְ, שֶׁהָאוֹהֵב חֲבֵרוֹ כְּנַפְשׁוֹ לֹא יִגְנֹב מָמוֹנוֹ וְלֹא יִנְאַף אֶת אִשְׁתּוֹ, וְלֹא יוֹנֵהוּ בְּמָמוֹן וְלֹא בִּדְבָרִים, וְלֹא יַסִּיג גְּבוּלוֹ, וְלֹא יַזִּיק לוֹ בְּשׁוּם צַד, וְכֵן כַּמָּה מִצְוֹת אֲחֵרוֹת תְּלוּיוֹת בָּזֶה. יָדוּעַ [גָּלוּי] הַדָּבָר לְכָל בֶּן דַּעַת

וְדִינֵי מִצְוָה זוֹ, כְּלוּלִים הֵם בְּתוֹךְ הַמִּצְוָה, שֶׁכְּלַל הַכֹּל הוּא שֶׁיִּתְנַהֵג הָאָדָם עִם חֲבֵרוֹ כְּמוֹ שֶׁיִּתְנַהֵג עִם עַצְמוֹ לִשְׁמֹר מָמוֹנוֹ וּלְהַרְחִיק מִמֶּנּוּ כָּל נֶזֶק. וְאִם יְסַפֵּר עָלָיו דְּבָרִים יְסַפְּרֵם לְשֶׁבַח וְיָחוּס עַל כְּבוֹדוֹ וְלֹא יִתְכַּבֵּד בִּקְלוֹנוֹ, וּכְמוֹ שֶׁאָמְרוּ זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה (ירושלמי חגיגה פ"ב ה"א) הַמִּתְכַּבֵּד בִּקְלוֹן חֲבֵרוֹ אֵין לוֹ חֵלֶק לָעוֹלָם הַבָּא, וְהַמִּתְנַהֵג עִם חֲבֵרוֹ דֶּרֶךְ אַהֲבָה וְשָׁלוֹם וְרֵעוּת וּמְבַקֵּשׁ תּוֹעַלְתָּם וְשָׂמֵחַ בְּטוּבָם עָלָיו הַכָּתוּב אוֹמֵר (ישעיהו מט ג): יִשְׂרָאֵל אֲשֶׁר בְּךָ אֶתְפָּאָר

משנה אבות א׳:ו׳

(ו) יְהוֹשֻׁעַ בֶּן פְּרַחְיָה וְנִתַּאי הָאַרְבֵּלִי קִבְּלוּ מֵהֶם. יְהוֹשֻׁעַ בֶּן פְּרַחְיָה אוֹמֵר, עֲשֵׂה לְךָ רַב, וּקְנֵה לְךָ חָבֵר, וֶהֱוֵי דָן אֶת כָּל הָאָדָם לְכַף זְכוּת