Thinking about Bitachon

Hi all!

Warning: this is a thick one. At times the newsletter will be longer, at times shorter and sometimes they will be more- or less- relevant to your particular age and stage. I would love to hear from you as to what resonates and why- you can post comments through the website, or respond directly to this email. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about bitachon lately.  Specifically, the difference of opinion between the Chazon Ish (and others) , and the Chovos Halevavos (and others). As a quick recap, the Chazon Ish believes that to have bitachon means to know that whatever happens is, de facto, for the best- whether or not it looks that way to you. The expectation is that things may end up happily ever after, or things may end up looking completely horrible, but the bitachon is knowing that despite the external manifestation, it’s all ultimately for the good.  The Chovos Halevavos explains that this isn’t proper bitachon; that bitachon means that a person can and should believe that everything in his life WILL turn out for the good- clearly good- in ways we can see and appreciate down here. And if they don’t, there is always a reason, but that doesn't take away from our requirement to believe that it will.

אך מהות הבטחון היא מנוחת נפש הבוטח ושיהיה לבו סמוך על מי שבטח עליו שיעשה הטוב והנכון לו בענין אשר יבטח עליו כפי יכלתו ודעתו במה שמפיק טובתו

(Please let me know if you would like additional sources for this view, I am so happy to share!)

Those of you who have learned through my course, Proactive Bitachon, know that I am committed to exploring, learning about, and doing my best to use the outlook of the Chovos Halevavos. I have seen astonishing things in my own life as a result of using the tools brought down in our mesorah, and these concepts resonate very deeply with me. As one lives his  life, one can- and is expected to!- use his deep sense of bitachon to expect the good, and only after the fact should one pull on ‘gam zu l’tova’ and other important things we learn about how we cannot always understand Hashem’s plan for us. But that always comes after the fact, not before.

As I explain in great detail over the course, this bitachon that we can (have to!) cultivate, is actually causative in bringing about the sweet resolution of whatever issue we are facing, whether as small as a parking spot, or as large as a refuah. As we say in shmone esrei,   כִּי לֹא תַֽמּוּ חֲסָדֶֽיךָ כִּי מֵעוֹלָם קִוִּֽינוּ לָךְ. 

But.

I am becoming ever aware of how many dangerous misunderstandings can happen with this approach, and though I do try my best to head them off and address them, there are always going to be people who try to use this as a magic tool, or whose relationship with Hashem is going to suffer because of repeated attempts to ‘believe with all my heart’ that something will go right, and then watching it not come through. Interestingly, people report similar feelings of devastation whether they were trying to manifest a traffic free ride to work with their bitachon, or a much, much larger yeshuah. They feel let down, and then dumb for even having tried. They feel like this was just proof that they shouldn’t have gone this route, and instead, they should stay on the more passive road of ‘whatever Hashem wants’, which is certainly a valid and well worn path brought down through the years. 

There is also the delicate paradox of accepting what Hashem puts in front of you that day and continuing to hopefully expect change of that same situation. This work is not for the faint of heart.

There’s something else I’m realizing as I work on this. There are times that I am not in the headspace to be able to have authentic bitachon that things will work out. And nothing screams ‘toxic positivity’ like a stretched forced smiling woman saying ‘its all good!’ as the world burns down. And I believe that Hashem wants authenticity even more than He wants our bitachon. Being real with where you are at, is crucial. The times when I can’t muster up the visualization of everything turning out ok, the times when I’m just too tired, or anxious, or scared; I need to understand that bitachon is a process and it exists on a continuum. Sometimes I can lower my sights and work on believing that things won’t be catastrophic, they will just be really bad. And sometimes I can’t even do that. I comfort myself with the thought that even Dovid Hamelech speaks of his total despair so often in Tehillim. And that’s ok. 

So I take a deep breath, take the day off from the work, and then, maybe that night as I’m lying in bed, or during my next shmone esrei, I remind myself of Hashem’s great love for his children, tell myself things are going to be good- they already are good!- and then try to bring that thought into my body (which is the meaning of the emunah b’eivarim that the Ba’al Shem Tov spoke of often). 

And one last thing: way more than a tool to be pulled out as an attempt to change things in the physical world, this positive bitachon: the knowledge that things are good, Hashem’s chessed abounds, we are and will continue to be the recipient of Hashem’s massive kindnesses every second of the day, is a general approach that we need to cultivate in life. And that too is no small task. 

Anyone else think about these things? When and why— and how do you do this work??

Looking forward to the conversation!

Mrs. Aliza Feder