Good morning friends! 

The period of sefiras ha’omer is coming to a close, and for our final installment of this three part series on practical Ahavas Yisroel (you can check out the first two parts here and here), we are going to be taking a look at the remaining 5 points in our 10 part plan. These are the things you can begin to do right now to increase your solidarity with am yisroel. 

5. Noseh b’ol- sharing the burden. 

When a Jew is suffering somewhere, send up a quick tefillah. When you hear about something disturbing, wait a beat before moving on. This doesn’t require going to pieces at every sad piece of news- I know that is an actual danger for certain personality types, but I don’t believe that’s what Hashem wants. I do believe, however, that we should be pausing to tap into our collective pain. At the very least, do not ever sip your coffee and scroll to the next story. In our Techtalks cohort, we spent some time exploring the effects of our constant saturation of news intake. This is not the forum to go into detail, but suffice it to say that we need to take a hard look at whether our efforts to stay informed that  come from a holy place of wanting to know what is going on with our brothers and sisters, may just be morphing into an uglier place of desensitization with a touch of voyeurism. 

6. Choose peace over machlokes. 

Many people do not see themselves as argumentative. But the Torah’s framing of machlokes includes something subtler: relating to another Jew as “other.” If someone’s feelings are being hurt—even slightly—by what I said or did, that is already entering the territory.  There is so much to say on this, let me know if you would like a separate newsletter about it.

And now the three don’ts:

7. No lashon harah- see above about the separate newsletter.

8. Do not embarrass others. 

Someone messes up, misses a step, otherwise makes a minor fool out of themselves? Practice not noticing, not staring and minimizing it. This is a big deal. And people being….people, who tend to mess up on a constant basis (what, just me?), we have the opportunity to practice this one often. We don’t need to see everything. 

9. Do not bear a grudge.

If someone does something that hurts you- deal with it. Don’t pretend you’re fine if you’re not. Quiet resentment tends to reappear in indirect ways (see also: passive-aggression).

10. And last, don’t take revenge. 

She never gives me a ride, and now she’s asking me to take her kid to the event?? 

Her basement is somehow never available for my company and now she’s calling me before her simcha to place people?? 

You know the type. 

And there you have it. In my opinion, this is the best modification program ever, and every interpersonal interaction gives us another opportunity to practice. Try keeping a log and seeing if you can hit 7/10 within a couple of weeks. Write the list down so that you can check it often to make sure you are staying on track. We have a very short time left to sefiras ha’omer-- make it count! (Sorry, I sort of had to). 

Have a beautiful Shavuos everyone,

Mrs. Aliza Feder

PS- a fabulous book on the topic, with so many well written, real life scenarios, is Feather in the Wind by Raizy Shapiro. I highly recommend it. 

Sha'arei Teshuvah, gimmel

וְלֹא יִהְיֶה כְקֹרַח וְכַעֲדָתוֹ (במדבר י"ז:ה'). אָמְרוּ רַבּוֹתֵינוּ זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה (סנהדרין קי.) כָּל הַמַּחְזִיק בְּמַחְלֹקֶת עוֹבֵר בְּלָאו שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר וְלֹא יִהְיֶה כְקֹרַח וְכַעֲדָתוֹ

 Bava metzia 58b- 

תָּנֵי תַּנָּא קַמֵּיהּ דְּרַב נַחְמָן בַּר יִצְחָק: כׇּל הַמַּלְבִּין פְּנֵי חֲבֵירוֹ בָּרַבִּים, כְּאִילּוּ שׁוֹפֵךְ דָּמִים